We're saved! The Members of the House are going to read the Constitution out loud!
When Republicans take over the House next week, they will do something that apparently has never been done before in the chamber's 221-year history:
They will read the Constitution aloud.
And guess what?
Boehner spokesman Brendan Buck said Democratic lawmakers are welcome to participate.
Maybe John Lewis would like to read Art. I, Sec. 2, cl. 3?
Representatives and direct taxes shall be apportioned among the several states which may be included within this union, according to their respective numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole number of free persons, including those bound to service for a term of years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons.
Or Sec. 9?
The migration or importation of such persons as any of the states now existing shall think proper to admit, shall not be prohibited by the Congress prior to the year one thousand eight hundred and eight, but a tax or duty may be imposed on such importation, not exceeding ten dollars for each person.
Just to make a point, perhaps?
That is, unless anyone else has any other ideas about what might be read aloud or recited in order to make the Congress super-awesome and patriotic. Like begin each day by squeezing open a can of spinach and sucking in in through a corncob pipe? Or bellowing out, "By the power of Grayskull!"? How about banning Kryptonite?
But don't worry, Constitution fans. There's more!
And then they will require that every new bill contain a statement by the lawmaker who wrote it citing the constitutional authority to enact the proposed legislation.
This is far more awesome, obviously, than the existing House Rule XIII (d)(1):
(d) Each report of a committee on a public bill or public joint resolution shall contain the following:
(1) A statement citing the specific powers granted to Congress in the Constitution to enact the law proposed by the bill or joint resolution.
The statement of constitutional authority is being moved from the committee report, which is written after a bill is refined and amended in committee, to a slip of paper that accompanies the bill as it's introduced, before all the changes are made.
That should be pretty awesome right there!
There are also a couple of somewhat less exciting changes being made, too:
Committee name changes: The Committee on Education and Labor will become the Committee on Education and Workforce, and the Committee on Science and Technology will become the Committee on Science, Space and Technology.
The Committee on Education and Workforce, of course, is what Republicans used to call the same committee the last time they had the majority, enshrining their hatred for even the word "labor." Actually, at first -- in 1995 -- they called it the Committee on Economic and Educational Opportunities, but I guess that was a little too dumb sounding even for them, and they switched it in 1997.
The Committee on Science and Technology, of course, used to be called the Committee on Science, Space and Technology, only that was under the Democrats, who added Space to the name in 1987. In 1995, when Republicans took over, they deleted both Space and Technology, going with just the Committee on Science. Democrats re-added Technology in 2007. And now, Republicans will show how awesome they are by re-adding Space. (Don't tell them that Democrats were the ones who added Space the first time, or they might not do it!)
The grown-ups are back in charge at last!
Yes, there are more changes. And more serious ones at that. We'll get to them. For right now, I just wanted you to know that... U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! Number one! Wooooooo! America!!!! F yeah!!!!
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